5 tips for handling difficult conversations in the workplace

Conflict is unavoidable in situations where individuals are spending extended periods of time together, so it should come as no surprise that difficult conversations will arise in the workplace. The key to conflict is to not avoid it, but to deal with it effectively.

Five causes of conflict in the workplace

Career–intelligence.com, a leading online career resource, reviewed these main conflict sources:

• Poor communication. The #1 cause of workplace conflict. A classic example is when a decision is made, but not shared with all who will be affected. This can result in surprise, confusion, or frustration when news is received secondhand.

• Unclear expectations. Unclear expectations will often cause conflict and difficult conversations in the workplace when an individual does not know what responsibilities or tasks are expected of them.

• Personal issues. Personal issues from home or between two coworkers may affect an employee’s performance and negatively impact the team.

• Personality or generational differences. A diverse workforce with four generations (and many more different personalities) working together can present hurdles related to communication preferences, work styles, and interpersonal conflict.

• Stress of competition. A “dog-eat-dog” environment can lead to department or internal competition that causes conflict.

 

The science behind avoiding conflict

Most people are willing to understand and accept the fact that productive disagreements are necessary to help create more productive and efficient environments. However, when faced with conflict, a person’s emotional brain sends out stress signals that flood the body with cortisol and trigger the fight-or-flight response.

Often, people may convince themselves that having a conversation about the problem will actually make the problem worse, rather than resolve it. It is easier to simply avoid dealing with a difficult situation rather than risk damaging relationships.

It takes skills and practice in order to feel prepared and, once you learn how, you may find the results surprisingly positive.

 

Five tips for approaching difficult work conversations

#1: Think about the root cause of the conflict. Before going into a difficult conversation, it’s important to ask yourself a few questions. What is the purpose of the conversation? What would you hope to accomplish? What would be the ideal outcome?

Review the five main causes discussed above to help determine what issues are causing the tension: are Millennials and Baby Boomers having troubles relating? Was there an employee who was unclear of expectations or responsibilities? Understand the cause behind workplace conflict in order to approach it efficiently and with positive results.

In addition, check for hidden purposes behind initiating a difficult conversation. Many individuals believe they are going into a confrontational conversation with honorable goals, such as educating an employee or increasing communication, only to approach with a critical or condescending attitude. Work on yourself first to ensure that you are starting a conversation with a supportive purpose.

#2: Prepare yourself mentally. Begin by changing your mindset to have a positive attitude towards the conversation, rather than fearing it or being confrontational. The more calm and comfortable you are, the better you will handle a moment of conflict.

It may help to plan what you want to say by writing down a few notes to help remember key points during the conversation; however, you should not create an entire script, as the conversation will develop organically. Be flexible and talk with simple, clear, and direct language. Avoid letting personal issues or emotions control what you choose to say.

#3: Avoid using an accusatory tone. In conversation, use “I” statements to frame the discussion, as in “I have noticed that…” or “When this happened, I thought…” This keeps the tone more positive and less accusatory.

Remember to acknowledge your counterpart’s perspective, and express interest in understanding how the other person feels about the situation. If you are having a difficult conversation that addresses something about the other individual or puts them in a difficult spot, it is important to ask them what you can do to help.

As the conversation comes to an end, reflect on how it went and how you would change your approach when facing difficult conversations in the future.

#4: Consider your surroundings. While difficult conversations between coworkers and supervisors should generally be approached in the same way, there are a few tips to keep in mind.

When approaching a boss or manager, you should never ambush them such as with an e-mail or in the break room. Instead, request a meeting at a time that works with their schedule in order to have their full attention.

When addressing direct reports, it’s important to document conflicts and have policies in place for certain situations. Calling people into your office may not be the best strategy, as this shifts the balance of power to your side. Consider holding the meeting in a neutral place such as a meeting room where you can sit adjacent to each other without the desk as a barrier.

#5: Keep the desired end result in mind. Think about how the conversation can fix the situation without placing an irreparable wall of tension between you and your colleague.

Plan the conversation ahead of time and think about what the desired outcome looks like. End the conversation with a resolution or recap of action plans to move forward.

Some situations may warrant additional conversations and that’s OK. If you need to table the conversation after your initial meeting, schedule a follow-up conversation as soon as you’re able so that the situation is fresh in everyone’s minds and no one feels like it has been placed on the back burner.

Having difficult conversations is never easy, whether it is with co-workers, staff, or a supervisor; however, with skills and practice, work life and its inevitable conflicts can become more productive and comfortable for everyone involved.

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